I am now back from a week spent in what is truly a great place - Williamsburg, Virginia. This place was totally awesome, beautiful, and fun. Filled with great places and literally a 1,000 pancake houses, this place was incredible. Simple as that. There is a lot I need to cover about this trip; I hope you're ready.
Starting off... My friends Chris, John, and Brittany packed up and shared a noisy problematic car and ventured from Rome, N.Y. (the unhappiest place on Earth) and started off on our 10 hour-long drive to Virginia. Things went rather well and didn't start sucking until we were forced to venture through a little place called Washington D.C. capital beltway.
People DO NOT know how to drive on this road. It seems everyone who knows that they will be driving on this very long stretch of concrete woke up saying "I think I'm going to drive like a complete asshole today, and create an accident!!" This being said in a Shakespearean manner while holstering up a tangerine in one hand with one of those little paper umbrellas sticking out. And I mean sticking out of the umbrella, not their hand. Just wanted to clear that up. Thank you to the assholes for holding traffic up for miles and for God only knows how long. You win big in fail points. To the scary-looking dude in the giant red van with the 12 foot long antenna off of the back - points to you for the heavy amusement.
Hours later, we finally arrived at our destination. We had the opportunity of staying in Brittanys' cool parent's timeshare that they let her have... Win! This place was basically a furnished apartment and was totally cool. Not much to rant on about here. From here we went grocery shopping.
I really don't know what it is with the people working in some of those places down there but holy fricken shit. It seems that every time you go out of town and get asked "Where are you from?" and you say "New York" then that automatically means you're from New York City. No, not the case. Stop doing that. After gathering our things and checking out, my buddy Chris even told the cashier, this tall kind of odd kid by the name of Jesse, that we were from central, N.Y.. For the record, central N.Y. and N.Y.C. are two totally way-different places. Just saying. Jesse, after having to point out every detail of colored-ink etched into my skin that would make up my half-sleeve, asked if we had basically been to and seen every attraction known to man in N.Y.C..... HOLY SHIT! The moment itself was actually very amusing. We were held at gunpoint and forced to bag up our own groceries using shower caps and then get the hell out of there.
In a nearby Walgreens, the cashier (didn't catch his name) was about to start crying because I think he actually felt horrible over the fact that he couldn't accept Chris's Walgreens discount card. I swear this kid was about to start bawling right behind the counter. He puckered up, got beet red, and sweat started pouring down his face, while apologizing 70 times. I ended up buying him a giant lollipop and consoled him with the words "get the fuck over it".
The next day we spent the entire day in Busch Gardens, Williamsburg. Also known as America's greatest theme park for bitching. Walking around all day, my friends and I heard more bitching about stupid shit, more than people actually having a good time. Shut the F up people! Other than that, this place was A-ok in my book! Satisfactory cleanliness, fun rides, and staff who are actually nice to the customers. I know, I couldn't believe it myself! Definitely a place to check out.
One day we jumped into the car and ventured an hour and a half to Virginia Beach. We had been warned by Chris's insane grandmother that Virginia Beach has more sharks than any other place in the entire world - interesting. We were willing to take the risk. This place was just like any other oceanside beach: Lots of people, scorching hot weather, and used condoms everywhere. There isn't so much to point out here except for legit "no swearing" signs scattered throughout the beach and boardwalk. The beach actually had it's own rules to follow when setting foot on it's land. Doesn't this collide with the whole "freedom of speech" right jotted down on a very old piece of paper???
Chris and I had an incredible idea for a new board game. We thought it would be fun to make a spin-off of the game Chutes & Ladders. This game would be called Strokes & Seizures. Here is an example of how it would work: If someone rolled a die resembling that of a blood clot, and depending on where it landed, then they may have the disappointing task of "seizing" back three spaces. One could even strike it lucky and "stroke" forward five spaces. Also, the game pieces would be split between two. For seizures, a wacky wavy inflatable arm flailing tube man. For strokes, Ronald Reagan.
It's worth acknowledging the hungry hungry hippos who stayed in the timeshare above us. Every night they pounded the floor above, doing whatever it was they were doing. On one occasion, they were nice enough to wake me up early in the morning. I thought they were going to come crashing down right onto my bed. God bless me.
Also worth noting... the development in which we were staying in had speed limit signs all the same. When driving around the place, one cannot exceed 14 mph. In the Busch Gardens parking lot on the other hand, one cannot exceed a whopping speed of 18 mph. These rules apply strictly to both vehicles and Kenyans.
Ever wonder where to find those ever-incredible hard to find chattering teeth??? Cracker Barrel restaurants. No joke. My day had been made.
The end!
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